A dose of reality...

The message below is from a 53 year old woman "K" on my cancer network. Makes me realize how precious time is.

A few things I want...

I want to see Brittany graduate from college. I want to walk her down the aisle at her wedding like I did with Adrianne & Alison. I want to see Adrianne and Alison grow as ladies, parents and wives. I want to spend time with my grandchildren, spoiling them as much as I can. I want Ginger and me to have peace in our lives…not too much peace, just enough to help us stay focused. I just want to live a little...

From K,
I'm sneakin' this in here because I can't bear to either start a new discussion or talk individually to some of my new friends here. Uh....I'm apparently too bad off for CHEMO! Cripes, that can't be good. It's a benefit/risk thing, at this point, and with my pelvic cavity having so many lack of blood-supply issues, there's not even much likelihood the meds would MAKE it to my pelvis. And if they DID, their very toxicity would destroy what little viable tissues remain. So, the end is near, the sky is falling, don't cry for me Argentina. This is something I've felt coming my way for quite some time. This year actually marked HALF MY LIFE as a cancer survivor. My prayers, as a woman of 26, were to please let me watch my girl grow up. I GOT that incredible gift (as SHE is), and a bonus of a lovely 15-year-old granddaughter. So how, exactly, can I feel bitter or "unfair!" ? I've been blessed thru my entire journey. One reason my Cancer Team is having such a hard time treating me is that I've LIVED so long; my tissues are just dissolving. Life is good. Don't sweat anything you don't HAVE to. PLANT the flowers you wanna smell. Love everyone in your life. And realize that every single moment, even the hard as hell ones, are gifts. I will be withdrawing, more & more, from my online forums. I have a lot to do, and some places I need to go. (My chances of 5-year-survival, with OR without chemo, are zero. So time's a-wastin'.) I'm grateful for all the info, support, and kindness I've encountered here. I wish you all NOTHING but the best, and good health for yourselves and your loved ones. Please don't feel "sad" for me....we all gotta go, and at least I know I won't be the crazy 90-year-old cat lady, two foot tall & mean as hell, at the end of the block. There's a measure of comfort in that, alone. Bwahahahaha......

IN JOY,~~K