A few words from home...

I can’t write for long but wanted to let you all know I am home. They released me Sunday evening. Sunday night was pretty tough but Monday was better. It is just going to take some time for me to heal, feel better and get back on track.

Ginger is still my angel. She takes care of me every day.

I am ready...

Last post before surgery! I am so ready to get on with it! We’ll be at M.D. Anderson at 5:15 AM. We’ll update everyone as soon as we can. Today is “fasting day” for me. I can have clear, liquids only. So far so good! I wish someone would invent clear liquid cheeseburgers. I did ask about tequila since its clear…no go! No beer either! Dang!

Brittany left for Lubbock this morning. I will never get used to seeing my girls leave…ever! They are such a blessing in my life. I know they all want to be here during my treatment but it is better for all of us if we keep life as routine as possible. Besides, I couldn’t be in better hands…

Keep up the prayers. They do help…

Ginger & me at the SLTM Banquet

I’m at M.D. Anderson this morning, getting my final “inspection” before surgery on Monday. I’m in between treatments, sitting in my own little quiet place. It’s a table in the back of the Cool Beans Café. This is where I go to wait between treatments. Other than mealtimes it is usually quiet with very few, if any people around.

They took more blood today. This is the first time it hurt. I think it may be a side affect of the chemo, considering how bad my skin reacted this week. I’m waiting to see my clinical trial doctor. Like everyone here she’s really kind and full of compassion.

Tuesday my friend Jerry (another lifelong friend from Indianapolis) asked me how high my “apprehension level” is. Truth is not very! I trust I am in good hands…period. God has blessed me in so many ways it’s fairly easy to trust…

Three days to go...

Look what happened to me…

I've written about the toxic affects of the clinical trial drug. Here's a blow by blow account with pictures...

Monday, March 16

Waking up to burning, swollen face...

Calmly leaving for the hospital...

Leaving the hospital...Dang!

Thursday, March 19
Feeling and looking a little better...

Good news…

After heavy doses of steroids (leave me alone Clements), pain killers, antibiotics and other stuff I’m happy to report the pain has let up, the swelling gone down and the rash appears to be healing. In fact, by the time I went to bed last night I felt pretty good…comparatively speaking. I still look like I got shot in the face with napalm coated shotgun pellets.

We all know someone who will say “Bob, some day you’ll look back on this and think it wasn’t that bad.” Uh, uh!!! THIS SUCKS! Will I be a stronger, more faithful man? A better husband, friend or father? Probably and for that I am thankful!

Update on my clinical trial drug…Ouch!

Last Monday I had a “bit” of an annoying rash on my torso and neck. The doctor prescribed steroids and antibiotics which helped keep the rash at bay…until Saturday. By Saturday night my face looked like I had dipped it in a bucket of boiling water. Yesterday was awful; today not much better! Like having needles stuck in my head, face and back.

During today’s checkup at M.D. Anderson the doctor told me it is the worst skin reaction she has ever seen with this drug. Needless to say I stopped taking it. She prescribed high doses of steroids for the remainder of the week, believing this will ease my pain.

I guess this is what people do to try to heal. I have read such horror stories about chemo and I have maintained that if this is as bad as it gets I could handle it. Maybe not!

So, “C Day” is seven days away (“C” stands for Radical Cystectomy). I won’t say I am looking forward to the procedure or recovery but I am hopeful about life after recovery. Very hopeful…

My new friends Marcia & Ed...

I met Ed through the Seabrook Lucky Trails Marathon. Ed, a runner living with cancer, was good enough to share his story to provide inspiration to others. I am one of the “others” and yes, Ed’s story is inspiring.

This morning Ginger and I had the pleasure of meeting Ed and his wife Marcia. Ed ran the Saturday Half Marathon and will run the full marathon tomorrow. Amazing!

While Ed and I agree that quality medical treatment is essential to our survival, we also know that faith, optimism, support and positive outlooks are critical as well. In fact, I just added Ed and Marcia to my long list of supporters. I know they are pulling for me and that alone gives me more inspiration.

Thank you Marcia & Ed!

Today Brittany arrived home for spring break after spending the night at with Alison and David. Brittany got to meet her new nephew Carter. We’re so happy to have her at home and even happier she isn’t venturing off to Mexico.

Life is good...

A wonderfully, normal day...

I’ve been working in the DFW area this week. Last night Alison had me over for dinner. I had a home cooked meal with her, Trent and Carter. Actually Carter slept while we ate. Trent was so cute. He must have eaten a plate full of green beans (Note to Brittany…green beans, HAH!). Alison mentioned what a lovely diaper Trent would give her in the morning. Ah, the pleasures of being a grandparent…no more diapers!

What struck me this morning is how special it was to have dinner with my daughter and grandchildren; at her home sitting at her table! It isn’t something I get to do very often. It was so normal, simple and wonderful.

Later in the evening I talked with Adrianne and Brittany. Just small, everyday talk…the simple stuff family members share. The simple stuff I so miss sometimes, I guess it adds perspective to my life by reminding me of what beautiful, accomplished daughters I have. Two of them mothers raising children, making their way through life; the other starting out, finding her way; all of them doing it with grace and dignity…

I love you girls!

Happy Anniversary!

Married 21 years to the girl of my dreams...

The love of my life...

Living in the Moment

I have been reading a book titled What Helped Get Me Through (Cancer Survivors Share Wisdom and Hope). It has been a great comfort to me, sort of like group therapy. Ginger gave it to me soon after my diagnosis. I’ll treasure this book forever.

Dennis, a friend I grew up with in Indiana (we’re talking fifty years) is a cancer survivor. Dennis went through radiation, chemotherapy and multiple surgeries. In hindsight, I wish I had been more supportive. I guess I let a thousand miles and ignorance get in the way. Since my diagnosis Dennis has “been there” for me any time I need to talk. That’s what friends do and I am blessed to have so many of them just like Dennis. I’ve known Dennis since I was a child. Dennis, I love you like a brother. I don’t believe I’ve ever told you that. Thanks Dennis!

The first piece of advice he gave was to try to make the people around me as comfortable as possible. They’re not going to know exactly what to say, what to do or what to think. NOTE TO MY FAMILY & FRIENDS: You have all been wonderfully supportive, encouraging me every step of the way. After the initial shock wore off I began this blog. I didn’t realize it at the time but this is my therapy; my way of saying how I feel and what’s going on in my life. My attempt to make you AND ME comfortable as I (we) go through this!

A lesson from the book… I had been living my life like it was a prologue to something else, something more. Then, one day in the waiting room, it hit me: “This is my life, right here, right now. This is it.” I have always lived in the moment, probably to a fault. It is easier than worrying about the future or agonizing over the past. Besides, my personal angel Ginger does enough worrying for the both of us. This disease grounded me for a while. I reflected on everything past, present and future. Now I am trying to balance “live for the moment” with a realistic outlook. In other words, live each day.

Some of you folks have told me I’m brave. Thanks but the truth is I’m selfish, very selfish. I want to live, to be here with you because that’s my life, right here, right now!

Four of my many reasons for hanging around...

Trent

Braden
Teagan

Carter

Spots, spots everywhere!

I had my weekly “Inquisition” (aka checkup) at M.D. Anderson today. Only 7 tubes of blood this week… Remember me mentioning possible side affects of my chemo. Dang! I made it three days before a nasty rash appeared. It’s like having sunburn without the fun of being in the sun. It hurts too. So my girls (P.A. & Nurse) prescribed ‘roids and antibiotics. Roger Clements called shortly afterwards but I hung up on him… Anyway, I hope the meds work fast. By the way, my joking about M.D. Anderson is just that…joking. I love those people!

To my friends that ran the TIR… Sorry I couldn’t be there to welcome you home. Ginger and I really wanted to go but the aforementioned rash had me feeling kind of puny. At my size that’s hard to do. Plus, being out in the sun would not have been good. Congratulations to all…that’s a tough run!

Ginger and I have talked about buying a motor home. Maybe that could be your support, sleep and drinking vehicle next year. I’ll be back with another update soon!

Surprise! Surprise!

Late Friday afternoon I was working at home when Brittany called. I asked what she was up to; she asked what I was up to; typical daughter/dad stuff. A few minutes later she walks in the front door with Ginger. WOW! What a surprise. There’s nothing Ginger wouldn’t do to make me feel better!

Last time Brittany saw me was January 5, three days after my diagnosis. I had just come out of surgery and was lying in a hospital bed with tubes coming out of me. She had to return to school so it was a sad day in many ways. Needless to say I look much better now.

Even though she goes back to Lubbock tomorrow, she will be back home Friday for spring break. She’ll spend break here instead of going to Mexico. Apparently the border issues caused her trip to be canceled. THANK GOD!

I have three beautiful daughters and a precious wife. Throw in four grandbabies, two great sons-in-lay (emphasis on GREAT SONS), wonderful friends and the perfect companion Lucy (Dachshund) and I have all a man could want! I am so blessed.

It’s back to M.D. Anderson tomorrow for check-ups and tests. I received a message saying to be there by 7:30 or 8:00 AM. I then received an email saying to be there at 9:45 AM. HUH? This must be a part of the treatment. By never knowing exactly when or where you’re supposed to be you spend less time thinking about the illness.

Brittany holding BradenLucy doing what she does best...nothing!

Ginger at our home away from home,
the Hoaglin's river house in Indianapolis

Naked Mice?

Thanks to my family and friends for all your support. It means the world to me.

I have a new bottle of drugs with a label that reads “Caution Chemotherapy, Dispose of Properly.” I thought I was supposed to take this crap not throw it away. Hmm...maybe I misremembered.

So, I spent most of Monday at M.D. Anderson. They took fourteen tubes of blood. Dang, that’s a lot. The good news is I qualified for the clinical trial (hence, the disposable drugs). This experimental drug is supposed to shrink tumors. It worked in naked mice (we’ll get to that shortly). It probably won’t impact my planned treatment but if it has any affect it could help future patients. That makes it worth it. I won’t get in to the list of possible side affects. Suffice to say I’m feeling okay so far.

Now, about these naked mice. My first thought was who shaves a mouse…other than Hung. Then I had this really weird Mickey and Minnie visual. Then Mighty Mouse flashed into my head and it went downhill from there. Well, I was talking with my friend Dave Conklin today and Dave actually knows where naked mice are bred. Some place in Ohio! Dave isn’t even sure why he knows this but HE DOES. He even mentioned the difficulty of putting little sweaters on them when they are cold.

Back to M.D. Anderson! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the kind, respectful treatment I receive. You can feel the compassion they have for the patients. They take great steps to alleviate my concerns and fears by making sure I understand what I’m going through, what’s happening to me. However, I pray none of you ever have this experience.

Dave (on the right) is our Naked Mouse spokesperson...

Ginger & I Finishing Houston 2008
(one of my favorite pictures)