A dose of reality...

The message below is from a 53 year old woman "K" on my cancer network. Makes me realize how precious time is.

A few things I want...

I want to see Brittany graduate from college. I want to walk her down the aisle at her wedding like I did with Adrianne & Alison. I want to see Adrianne and Alison grow as ladies, parents and wives. I want to spend time with my grandchildren, spoiling them as much as I can. I want Ginger and me to have peace in our lives…not too much peace, just enough to help us stay focused. I just want to live a little...

From K,
I'm sneakin' this in here because I can't bear to either start a new discussion or talk individually to some of my new friends here. Uh....I'm apparently too bad off for CHEMO! Cripes, that can't be good. It's a benefit/risk thing, at this point, and with my pelvic cavity having so many lack of blood-supply issues, there's not even much likelihood the meds would MAKE it to my pelvis. And if they DID, their very toxicity would destroy what little viable tissues remain. So, the end is near, the sky is falling, don't cry for me Argentina. This is something I've felt coming my way for quite some time. This year actually marked HALF MY LIFE as a cancer survivor. My prayers, as a woman of 26, were to please let me watch my girl grow up. I GOT that incredible gift (as SHE is), and a bonus of a lovely 15-year-old granddaughter. So how, exactly, can I feel bitter or "unfair!" ? I've been blessed thru my entire journey. One reason my Cancer Team is having such a hard time treating me is that I've LIVED so long; my tissues are just dissolving. Life is good. Don't sweat anything you don't HAVE to. PLANT the flowers you wanna smell. Love everyone in your life. And realize that every single moment, even the hard as hell ones, are gifts. I will be withdrawing, more & more, from my online forums. I have a lot to do, and some places I need to go. (My chances of 5-year-survival, with OR without chemo, are zero. So time's a-wastin'.) I'm grateful for all the info, support, and kindness I've encountered here. I wish you all NOTHING but the best, and good health for yourselves and your loved ones. Please don't feel "sad" for me....we all gotta go, and at least I know I won't be the crazy 90-year-old cat lady, two foot tall & mean as hell, at the end of the block. There's a measure of comfort in that, alone. Bwahahahaha......

IN JOY,~~K

This was my first week back at work. Other than getting a little tired late in the day, it was pretty uneventful. I had lots of emails and stuff to read, just to get caught up. Next week I’ll be in DFW. I’m excited about being on the road again. As much as I love my home being in the house for three months has been tough. Then again, it may have something to do with recovering from cancer. DUH!

Here’s a photo Ginger sent entitled Patience…

Old pictures...

nuff said...

I have been blessed by children…

I had the privilege of being a member of the St. Jude Heroes Running Team in 2007. We ran the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington D.C. to raise money for the children. We met in our plush, private tent in Charity Village prior to the start of the race. We were treated like royalty. We were all excited, joking about the close proximity of Arlington Cemetery to the finish line. That’s when “IT” happened…

On the wall of the tent were several signs with the St Jude child logo. From a distance I noticed scribbling all over the signs. I moved closer to see hand written names with messages like “Good Luck Heroes.” I asked the director what I was looking at. I was completely overwhelmed and brought to tears by her answer.

She told me the kids at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital sent the signs to thank and wish us good luck. Children, many of whom were terminally ill were wishing “ME” good luck. Some of the bravest children you could ever see!

This turned out to be one of my toughest races. Unbeknownst to me I had bladder cancer (this was a year and a half before my diagnosis) and at mile 20 stomach cramps set in. I never considered quitting, though. These brave, sick little kids had wished me luck and I wasn’t about to let them down. Running those final 6 miles seemed to take an eternity but as I crossed the finish line I realized these kids had carried me.

They have continued to carry me for some time. I think of them often when I’m in treatment. God willing I’ll run for them again when I get back to full strength.

Life goes on...

Ginger and I are spending Memorial Day weekend at Jayne’s in Heath, our country home away from home. I feel so relaxed when I’m there. I could use “relaxed” right now.

We’re driving up Friday morning. Ginger will go home Sunday or Monday. I’ll be staying for the week. I go back to work Tuesday, 5/26. It’s going to be a busy week. Everyone is telling me to take it easy. Don’t worry, I will!

Gail and Paul get married in June. That should be fun! I’m looking forward to the post-wedding party at Gail’s house. I even reserved a hotel nearby so we could have fun without worrying about the drive.

My next round of tests at M.D. Anderson is Monday, 6/15. I’ll have variety of scans, x-rays and blood work. I return the next day to go over the results with Dr. Kamat. Even though my post-surgery pathology showed all clear it’s hard not to be a little anxious about these tests. Oh well, got to stay positive.

Can’t wait to move into our Frisco apartment…it will make life so much easier. We’re going to visit the complex this weekend. We’ll probably shop for furniture too. We need a sofa, lamps and other “stuff.”

Last Saturday morning I met with our running club at Clear Lake Park. First time I’ve been out since last summer. It was so good to see my friends. I walked 3.5 miles with Vicki Beck. I was pretty tired at the end and for the rest of the day…but it was a good tired. I’ll keep working to increase my distance a little at a time.

Life goes on…

A random act of kindness…

Recently I discovered an online network of people (Inspire.com) who have the same disease as me, bladder cancer. In a short period of time I’ve made a number of friends. We discuss everything from our treatment to our children. It’s a wonderful support group, one I wish I had found a long time ago.

There are several members in the Houston area that I have connected with. One, Cheyenne, had surgery at MD Anderson yesterday. Cheyenne's wife was unable to attend, although she wanted to, so Lynda, a member from Willis, and I went to MDA yesterday to be his substitute family. I met both for the first time.

I had a wonderful visit with Lynda while Cheyenne was in surgery. Her husband is an eight year survivor of leukemia and she is currently living with bladder cancer. Both she and Cheyenne are contemplating the procedure I had, a procedure that that can be intimidating. Having seen me in pretty good shape, seven weeks after surgery gave them a little hope for a good outcome. Sometimes just being there for people helps.

After his surgery Cheyenne was released to go home. Unfortunately home is an hour and a half away and his wife wasn't able to pick him up at that time. So…Lynda took him home and put him in her guest room. That’s right; a total stranger helped someone in need. What an act of kindness! That’s what these people are like. Cheyenne’s wife will pick him up today or tomorrow and take him home.

Regarding me, still planning to return to work on May 25…

Quick update..

It’s been seven weeks since surgery. WOW! It seems like a year. I’m still getting stronger. I walked near 2 miles this morning, even jogged a little…very little. I am hoping walking will help the nerve pain in my legs.

I’m not registered for any races but I am supposed to do the San Antonio half marathon with Alison in November.

Alison, I hope you’re training. Bob/me, I hope I can really do it.

Today, 13.1 mile seems impossible. A few weeks ago 2 miles seemed impossible. Progress…

I plan to return to work on May 25, one week early. I’m feeling pretty good and I need some activity (i.e. work) to make me feel better. I have a lot to catch up on so it will be a busy summer.

My three girls...

Alison, Brittany & Adrianne...am I lucky or what?

Historical Landmark

Have you ever seen a two-story What-a-Burger? It’s a must-see in Corpus Christi. Take your family and your cameras...it’s better than seeing the Statue of Liberty. It will take your breath away. Click on the picture to see full size...see the two girls standing on the balcony.

Our new "other" home...

We are so excited… We rented an apartment in Frisco this past weekend, sight unseen…sort of. The complex is located in a great area, close to Stone Briar Mall with easy access to shopping, restaurants, highways and, best of all, Alison, David and the boys.

The plan is for Ginger to come to Dallas every other weekend since she’s off every other Friday. The other weekends I will go to League City. This will reduce my driving by near a thousand miles per week plus it will make my work life much easier. I’ll be in close proximity to all but three of my stores. The weekends I’m not at the apartment Brittany can use it if she wants to visit Dallas.

I continue to get stronger each day. It’s my hope that I can return to work prior to June 1, maybe one to two weeks earlier. It’s getting to be that time…

Brittany will be home tomorrow...

Cypress lakes at Stonebriar

Pool & Rec Center
Indoor Basketball Court
Workout Center

My newest grand babies...

Alison sent us a few photos of the new babies...actually I took then from Alison's blog.

Carter

Teagan
Teagan & Carter

Another good week...

Alison and the boys went home Monday. Ginger and I missed them the second they drove away. The house was so “alive” while they were here. Trent was always into something, keeping himself (and us) entertained. Carter just lays there and takes it all in. Can’t wait until they visit again!

My week has been pretty good. I’m getting stronger, sleeping a little better and thinking more clearly. The one remaining problem is nerve pain in my legs. Apparently the positioning on the operating table traumatized the nerves. My doctor tells me this is normal but it may be months before it heals completely. My leg muscles are strong; it’s just surface pain that gets uncomfortable. My PCP was kind enough to prescribe a drug specifically for nerve pain. It seems to help some and will hopefully help me heal faster.

Last night I drove for the first time in six weeks. Felt good! Ginger and I went to dinner (another six week first) at Dos Mas, our favorite Mexican restaurant. We even shared a margarita. Those of you who know me well know I don’t usually share cocktails. I have to ease back into drinking…

Next week I hope to do some light jogging…and I do mean light! If jogging is too hard then I will walk. I just can’t sit around anymore plus I want to keep the weight off.

BIG EVENT NEXT WEEK… Brittany comes home for the summer!

Grandpa-Bob & Trent